The Year of the Marathon: Becoming Who I Am

Way back in March, I set out to run a marathon. I had thirty-seven weeks of training mapped out and brand new running shoes to go with it. So I began my training. I was determined to run those 26.2 miles, and I made good progress at the beginning. I reached the point where running three miles was like nothing, and I actually reached seven miles by the end of April. Maybe for some people that isn't a big deal, but for someone like me who struggled to run one mile back in January, that was a big deal. I realized that I could do this thing - this marathon thing. I would do it.

Then, in May, I developed tendinitis in my right foot. Bummer. Big bummer. It put my training on hold, and, as eager as I was to get back into things, healing fully took longer than I anticipated. I tried to go on runs, but the pain of it pierced my foot, and I hesitated to keep running because I didn't want to prolong the injury.

So, it took about two full months for the tendinitis to heal. At the beginning of August, I was ready to run again.

Enter first-year teaching job.

All of a sudden, syllabi and curricula and weekly lesson plans bombarded and overwhelmed me, and I realized that you will never understand the exhaustion and time demands of being a teacher, particularly a first year teacher, until you are one. I don't say that to complain (I expected teaching to be challenging.) but simply to say that I had not the slightest bit of time or energy to think about running.

As a result, I didn't get back to running like I thought I would when I first developed tendinitis. In fact, the Richmond Marathon was two weeks ago yesterday morning, and I wasn't there. I couldn't even run a 5K right now. I'm back at square one.

I haven't written about this before because, honestly, I was embarrassed. I wrote two blogposts about my determination to run this marathon, and here I am, at the beginning of December, not having done what I set out to do.

Does that make me a quitter? Does that make me lazy? Will people laugh at me? Was it foolish of me to think I could run a marathon in the first place? Was I just kidding myself? These are the questions that run through my mind.

But then I think about something that my friend Pamela said. She said to someone, in a group conversation, that I am a runner.

I am a runner because I run.

For some reason, her saying that affected me in a powerful way. It changed the way I thought about myself. Before then, I would never have called myself a runner because I would have felt like a poser. After she called me a runner, though, I was able to claim that as part of my identity - and be proud of it.

So now, starting to run again isn't about changing myself into what I want to be. It's about becoming who I already I am. Somehow, that's easier to manage. That challenge is imbued with hope.

The same is true in my relationship with God. I am a child of the Most High God, but I don't always live in the truth of that. I often stray. I'm often a quitter and am often lazy. I often fail simply because I am weak-willed and easily distracted by the world. And the longer I distance myself from God, the harder I have to work when I'm once again seeking to pursue intimacy with Him.

It's easy for me to be embarrassed about how weak and prone to failure I am. But running with endurance the race set out for me isn't about proving myself to God or to the people around me. God already knows exactly who I am. In Christ, I am His child. Living a righteous life isn't about impressing anyone or earning favor with God. It's about living in the fullness of my identity as His child.

What do runners do? They run. So I will train to become who I am.

What do God's children do? They love God with all of themselves. So I will fight to become who I am.

And if I fail, there is more grace. For, because of Christ, there is nothing that I can do that will change God's opinion of me. So,

                    "let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us
                    run with endurance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and 

                    perfecter of our faith, who, for the joy set before Him, endured the cross, scorning its 

                    shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured 

                    such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." 

                    (Hebrews 12:1-3)