The Year of the Marathon: Bracing and Embraced

Yes, I'm afraid it's true. This is what my poor foot has looked like for the last four weeks:

Tendinitis. And I've been out of marathon training for almost five full weeks now. 

Reader, I really cannot explain how disappointing this has been. I could go into the details of how the pain developed and where I was in my training and what that means for my training going forward, but if I did that, I would mostly be complaining. I have no right to complain, though, because I have so much for which to be grateful. For example:

--When my foot first started hurting, I was afraid that it was a stress fracture, and if it had been, there is no way I could run for even ten minutes this week (which I did, slowly), much less run a the marathon in November. But it wasn't a stress fracture.

--After my foot had been in extreme pain for almost a week, my mom managed to get me a last-minute appointment with a foot doctor so that I didn't have to wait in pain for another three days.

--When I went to see the doctor, I found out that he used to run marathons and knows how to go forward with getting me back into training. 

--He told me I can still run a marathon in November.

--When he gave me a foot brace to wear, I could immediately feel the difference. It felt so much better.

--When I went on a short run this week, even though it was only ten minutes and my foot hurt by end, it felt good to run. I didn't hate it. I loved it.

I could go on, but obviously I have so many things for which I can and must thank God. And, I can even thank God for the time off from running. Because, even though I hate it, the time off is what allows me to heal. If I didn't take the time off now, the tendinitis in my foot would be much worse than it is. The resting is what will allow me to start running again later on.

So, I've put on a brace to heal from this tendinitis. I've had it on for four weeks now and have been amazed at how many people I notice staring at my brace. To be perfectly honest, I kind of get embarrassed by it. I don't want people to see an injury when they see me. I don't want strangers to remember me as that girl with a brace. I don't want people to see me as weak. 

The same goes for my spiritual life. I (and, I believe, most people) have a hard time being consistently open about personal weaknesses and struggles and failures because I don't want people to see them. I want people to see me as strong and steadfast when in reality I am weak and unfaithful. 

And in some ways it's much easier to fake spiritual health and strength than it is to fake physical health. When my foot first started hurting, there were times when I couldn't walk without a limp and had to try really hard not to grimace because of the pain. But there are days when I'm really discouraged and depressed but can still smile and laugh and act like nothing is wrong.

The problem with that is this: If I had successfully pretended that my foot felt perfectly normal five weeks ago, then I wouldn't have gone to the doctor, I wouldn't have gotten a brace, and I wouldn't be healing. 

When I pretend that I have my spiritual life all together, I don't run to the Healer, I don't wrap myself up in the encouragement and prayers of fellow believers, and I don't truly heal or experience victory. And hiding weakness is dishonest about my brokenness and deep need for grace.

It's humbling to admit weakness and failure and hurt. It's scary - what if they judge or reject me? However, those who don't give grace to the needy don't really understand their own need for it, and every time I have confessed sin or shared a struggle, I have been met with grace and embraced by the people with whom I share. Just like my foot has healed faster with the help of a brace, victory and healing come more easily (not easily, mind you - just more easily) when other people are supporting me - encouraging me, praying for me, fighting the battle with me. 

Now, you may argue that people don't heal us - God does. And you're right - God does the healing. But He also uses believers to help do it. 

Allowing other believers to walk with you through struggles and heartache is like walking in a brace when you have an injury. It makes all the difference. It doesn't take the pain away, but it provides support and helps you to keep walking.

So, I'm bracing myself. To heal from a foot injury. And as I share my life and struggles with my friends, they have embraced and will embrace me and will walk forward with me as I run closer and closer to Jesus.